Pillow talk: consent-driven intimacy with Hotsqueak

All proceeds from this workshop (tickets and donations) go to a good cause to help a friend of the space.

Where proceeds will go:

Roxy has suffered a serious ankle injury, which has left them unable to work. Roxy's goal is simple: to walk without pain again, return to their creative work & move forward in their life.

To read more of Roxy's story, please follow the links below:

Insta: Roxanne

BackaBuddy: Click here

This will be an AMA (ask me anything) formatted workshop focused on discussion and sharing of information!

At this workshop Hotsqueak shares fundamental information on effective communication and how to improve communication skills especially when engaging in kink or BDSM. We’ll set the foundation for those tough or embarrassing conversations that are critical to achieving intimacy.

Consent-focused discussions: attendees are encouraged to submit anonymous questions to be discussed on the day when purchasing their tickets. This is a required field on the ticket form, but if you would prefer to bring your questions in person, simply fill in N/A when purchasing your ticket.

Part 1:

• Intention
• Establishing the “why”, intention and goal

Part 2:

• Informed consent
• Inclusive decision-making, sharing necessary information

Quick breather and snack

Part 3: Boundaries (main)

• Limits, wants, needs, touch, approach and contact before and after

Part 4:

• Risk assessment
• Skill level, risk of injury, emotional/mental risk, medical information, risk appetite

Part 5:

• Listening and sharing
• After-play/sex needs, debrief, what went well, what could be better

Part 6:

• Q&A and takeaways
• Summary of main points and some basic pointers. Questions are welcome after each part and discussion is encouraged.

Other important info

• Please wear comfy clothes, and bring snacks and non-alcoholic drinks to share for the snack table. Each person will receive an info pack to take home, but please feel free to take notes.
• There is no practical component of this workshop but everyone is encouraged to use what they have learned.

In light of the increasing Mpox cases in Cape Town, we’re implementing some safety precautions to ensure you are safe(r) at our venue.

What we’ll do for you

Our infamous sl*tty class rope is monogamous, now

Please bring your own rope if you have some. We will have cotton rope for sale (at a much lower price than jute) for you to buy if you don’t have your own. We love jute, but it can’t really be washed. Cotton rope can be washed, and is available at your local hardware store.

Sanitiser as you arrive and leave

We will provide hand sanitiser for you to use as you enter and upon leaving. We will disinfect our mats and general area before and after each jam.

Fewer hoemies

Our jams are now limited to 8 tickets.

Our favourite fluffy cushions have gone to a better place

We’re crying. But they just have to be packed up for a while. Please feel welcome to bring your own.

What we’re asking you to do

Practise self-love

We encourage you to self-tie when you can. If you do tie others, please try to restrict your tying to your polycule or people who you regularly come into physical contact with.

Honesty is the best policy

If you have any symptoms (see the next page), please stay at home. There is no shame in cancelling your ticket. Take care of your community by taking care of yourself.

If you have recently come into contact with someone who is a known Mpox patient or consider yourself high risk, please stay at home.

Wash your hands

Washing your hands regularly and/or using an alcohol-based sanitiser helps prevent the spread

When to stay at home

You have a rash

• Lesions that develop over weeks that look like blisters on the face, hands, feet, genitals, or other areas of the body

You have a fever, aches and pains

• Muscle aches, headaches, swollen lymph nodes, back ache

You’re experiencing fatigue

• Profound weakness

You’ve come into contact with someone with skin lesions

• Including their clothing or bedding, or close facial contact, or when they were coughing or sneezing

Resources and references

What informed our decision

Our team received advice from a nurse and a doctor, and looked at the NICD and latest government guidelines

Getting vaccinated

At the moment, vaccines are in limited supply. They are available to healthcare workers, sex workers and high-risk people. For vaccines:

Ivan Toms centre WhatsApp: +27 79 716 4001

Reliable resources

https://www.nicd.ac.za/communication-resources/

https://www.gov.za/news/cabinet-statements/health-provides-update-mpox-cases-south-africa-23-sep-2026

Look after each other <3

HotSqueak

HotSqueak has 11+ years of experience in various kinks with a special interest in impact play, but their interests are broad-ranging. They will facilitate conversations and answer any questions you have, as well as share their (mis)adventures.

Embodiment Rope Space is the love child of a group of volunteers from different walks of life coming together to actualize something we think the world needs: a queer safe(r) space for exploring kink as a healing, connective force. 

You can follow us on Instagram here: 

@embodiment_ct 

@faeriebunnyrope (she/her)

@rope.fu (he/him)

@creaturale (they/them)

@fire_lily_kinbaku (she/her)

@sudo_kinbaku_ / @sudojute (he/they)

1. Be on time.

2. Respect the space. Leave no trace - whatever you bring, take it back with you. 

3. Ego has no place here. Learn and share with humility. 

4. Ask for people’s pronouns and use the ones you are given. 

5. No shoes. Keep underwear on at public events. Nipples may be free. 

6. Do not make unsolicited comments about anyone else's body.

7. Do not take any photos of anyone in attendance without consent. 

8. Do not post photos without the consent of EVERYONE in the photo. 

9. Do not reveal the identity of anyone you meet in the space once you leave. Many people prefer anonymity. 

10. Be mindful of making noise in the space when others are tying around you, this includes loud talking and laughing. 

11. Be discrete when moving through other parts of the premises. Clothes are optional in the space but not outside the door.

12. Please stay home if you are feeling unwell.

13. Please do not use any recreational drugs before coming or while on site. 

What does AMA mean?

AMA stands for "Ask Me Anything." It is a type of interactive online event where individuals, often experts or public figures, open themselves up to questions from the public. The AMA format originated on Reddit, but can also take place on other platforms; such as this workshop where it will take place in person. During an AMA, the host answers questions on a wide range of topics, offering insights, sharing experiences, and engaging directly with participants.

I want to stay anonymous! How can I do this?

When purchasing your ticket you will notice an additional question that we capture. This is a required field, however, if you do not want to populate the question then just fill in N/A. You can add as many questions as you like but you are not limited to this mechanism! On the day you can also engage with your facilitators and bring your questions along. If you've purchased your ticket and have more questions to add, just send us an email at embodimentropespace@gmail.com with the subject line Consciously communicating consent and boundaries Questions.

What should I wear?

This is a friendly learning environment, not a sexual one, so crotches are to remain covered. Other than that, you are free to wear whatever you like. We find that it is easier to tie with minimal clothing or clothing that you can move in easily (leggings, shorts, etc.). Comfy, sexy, sporty, fetish - as long as your booty is covered, you are welcome here.

What should I bring along?

We encourage all participants to bring a curious attitude and a willingness to engage or listen. This is a judgment-free zone, and as much as we would like to remind you to park your judgment for those around you; it is equally important that you reserve that same sentiment towards yourself. Not everyone has had the same level of access to knowledge or had safe spaces in which they could honestly ask questions they feel like they should already know the answers to. Bring your questions, any snacks if you need them, and cash if you would like to purchase any non-alcoholic drinks we have on-site or any of our regular Embodiment items from our kiosk.

Do I need a partner?

You do NOT need a partner to attend this event! This workshop is open solo folks, couples, throuples, friends, etc. This will be an educational space only.

Note on accessibility:

We believe rope is for every body. At the same time the building we are currently occupying does not allow for wheelchair access to ground floor ablution facilities. This is an ongoing negotiation with the current landlords. However the space itself allows for wheelchair access :)

Shibari, the art of rope bondage, requires a deep understanding of both physical and emotional dynamics to ensure safety, trust, and mutual enjoyment. Consent and negotiation are essential foundations for this practice, especially for those new to rope play.

Informed Consent

Consent is more meaningful when you fully understand what you're agreeing to. Since Shibari often involves new physical and emotional experiences, starting with self-tying can be a great way to build familiarity and awareness.

Self-tying allows you to:

• Experience the sensations of rope on your own body—such as tension, pressure, and placement—without external pressure.
• Connect with your body and preferences, which helps both tops (those tying) and bottoms (those being tied) communicate needs and expectations.
• Develop technical skills, muscle memory, and patience before engaging with a partner.
• It’s important to note that self-tying offers personal insight but doesn’t translate directly to understanding another person’s experience with rope. Everyone’s sensations, preferences, and boundaries are different, making clear communication essential.

Understanding Risks

Shibari involves physical and emotional risks, and informed consent includes acknowledging and deciding to take these risks. Emotional risks, such as the "drops" after a scene, can range from mild fatigue to more intense feelings of sadness, anxiety, or feelings of depression and more. This is due to hormonal changes triggered during the scene and can affect both tops and bottoms. Recognizing and managing these responses is vital to emotional well-being.

To navigate drops, aftercare is essential. Aftercare can include rest, nourishment, feedback, and honest conversations about the experience. For example:

• Tops may need reassurance that their partner felt safe and feedback about what worked or didn’t.
• Bottoms may need validation, comfort, or time to process the experience.

Self-Reflection

Understanding your motivations and emotional patterns is critical before engaging in rope play. Consider questions such as:

• Why do I want to explore rope? What draws me to this practice?
• Am I engaging with rope in a healthy and self-aware way, or am I avoiding deeper personal work or indulging in escapism?
• Is my approach to risk informed by trust and care for myself and others?

Relational Considerations

When tying with someone new—or even with regular partners—take time to negotiate and assess your shared intentions. Key questions include:

• Do I trust this person to listen and respond to my needs and feedback?
• Are there any red or orange flags in their behavior or communication?
• How am I feeling mentally before the session? Have I addressed my own needs (e.g., taking medication, ensuring self-care)?
• Clear and ongoing communication about intentions, boundaries, and emotional states ensures that both partners feel safe and connected, making the experience enriching for all involved.

Exploring Shibari is a journey of discovery, trust, and vulnerability. By prioritizing consent, self-awareness, and open dialogue, you create the foundation for safe and meaningful rope play.

Resources to explore:

https://rope365.com/communication/

https://shibaristudy.com/